3 Love Letters

For years I've been writing to myself at night. Allowing my Inner Goddess to tell myself all the things I wish someone else would tell me. A way to find comfort. Learning how to be there for myself rather than searching outside of me for someone to make me feel better. I congratulate myself when I've done something well, give myself a pep talk when I'm feeling down and forgive myself when I mess up. 

So it's no surprise that when I came across the masterclass Love Letters Initiative offered by Nadia Munla of EmBody, I was down for the challenge. I just discovered her website and started with her free Embodiment Starter Class. A week later I went back and ordered some of her guided meditations and found her Facebook group. She had just announced The Love Letters masterclass which just happened to go with the meditations I chose to buy so it all felt kismet. I signed up right away and waited for my emails to arrive. 

We had 3 letters to write:

1. A letter of devotion to your Body

2. A letter of forgiveness to the Masculine

3. A letter of commitment to your Inner Little Girl

She sent out a new video each day to guide us along and I listened to the corresponding meditations I bought. I could not believe how much came out of me! Especially for my Inner Little Girl. Having a pretty good idea what would come up for the first letter, devotion to my body, and knowing that I've long healed my masculine wounds, this one about our little girl I was most curious about. I cried and released so much pain I didn't even know I was holding on to. I discovered a huge missing piece to me! 

I'm going to be vulnerable now, it's part of my healing journey to do that, and I'm going to share what filled my page here with you. She asked us to share in her group, if we felt comfortable in doing so, and add a picture of when we were younger. I was brave! I did! 

Dearest little Renetta,

I see you there. Roller skating up and down the block, in your bell bottoms, with your braids waving in the wind. Saving the worms from being washed down the gutters during a heavy rain. Standing up to bullies despite the outcome. Your generous heart. Your bright soul that's always felt too big for your body. You have been lonely for so long. Deeply longing for an authentic connection. A best friend. Someone to share your optimism, love and appreciation for this experience of our senses. Someone to grab hold of your hand and skip through life with you; smelling the roses, feeling the sunshine on your faces, listening to the wonders of nature. Taking in a deep breath. Laughing. Smiling. You've always known that's the meaning of life; simply the gift of being able to experience it. It's so simple but no one around you seems to see it or embrace it. I watch your heart break with sadness and disappointment every day, yet you wake up every morning hopeful that, today might be the day! You've been hurt and crushed by everyone's agenda to mold you into who they believe you should be but you've been so strong, holding on to your truths deep inside of you. Patiently waiting for one day to be seen, recognized and understood.

I'll never give up.

I'll keep looking.

Please know that I've got you.

Love,

Always young at heart,

the slightly older you. ;)

I love this picture. I was showing my dad how I could finally wink. I had to wriggle my whole body to do it! I was so proud though.

That wasn't so scary to share. I could do another....

A Love Letter of Devotion to My Body

I'm sorry (Forgive me for)

not seeing your limits

pushing you further than you were capable of

not honoring you

being selfish with my desires at the cost of your well-being

not appreciating you more

wanting you to change

not caring for you

not nourishing you

nearly destroying you

I thankful for (I want to celebrate you for)

how you hung in there for me

telling me in no uncertain terms when you had had enough

all the places you took me

your strength to survive it all

not giving up on me when I nearly did

healing despite the odds

thriving despite the abuse

allowing me a second chance to prove to you my Love

I promise to (I commit to)

honor you the way you deserve

be gentle with you

give you all of what you need to be strong and happy

accept your limits and find space within that to appreciate you

let you rest

nourish you

keep mindful of all of your needs

breathe

I abused you for so long. I didn't see your limits. I ignored your years of soft cries for help until you gave me no choice but to hear you. I promise to listen to you with an open heart and care for you the way you deserve. I will love every part of you and never wish for more or less. I am watching you soften into the sensual woman you have always wanted to be. I will not push you too hard or too far any longer. I'm sorry I almost killed us. I'm older and wiser now. I see you and love you, every bit of you. I will do better. I am doing better. I want to grow old with you. I will be there for you. We are healing.

Renetta

The letter of Forgiveness to the Masculine wasn't quite as long or deep. As I mentioned earlier, I've already healed that area of my life. I've forgiven them, released their energetic ties to myself and hope they find ways to heal their wounds they've suffered too. We are all capable of moving past our traumas if we just stop playing the victim role, stop feeling sorry for our woes and begin the deep soul journey to compassion and forgiveness. So for now, this is where I landed with it...

An Ode to the Masculine

All is forgiven.

Sometimes we need a team to help us move past our pain and emotional blocks. I have found little bits of myself with many healers on their path of being in service, sharing the tools that have helped them along the way. If any of this post resonates with you, go check her out! I scoured every inch of her site. I'm going to tell you a secret, shhh it's just between us... somewhere on her site is an Easter Egg! For those not familiar with that term, it means she's hidden a freebie, worthy of searching for, on her site somewhere. Where you ask? That's the part I'm not sharing. You'll have to go find that on your own. ;) I will give you the link again though. Click here!  The Joy is in the Journey!

Gratitude and Love,

Ren